The mitzvah of comforting mourners (nikhum aveilim) is fulfilled by a personal visit to the house of mourning. The very fact that you have come to the house of mourning is an act of respect and comfort. One need not be mute, but neither should one feel compelled to maintain a constant flow of conversation. The most appropriate topic of conversation is the person who died, and his or her life. A visit should not be unduly long, and certainly is not the time for general socializing.

Typically, the front door is left unlocked and visitors do not knock so that the mourner need not welcome or great guests. People visiting a house of mourning should not expect to be served or even offered food by any of the mourners, who thus would be acting in the inappropriate role of hosts at a social gathering. It is proper for relatives and friends to attend to the needs of the mourner and the household.

Upon leaving, one may offer a sentence of the Tradition to the mourners: Hamakom ye-nakhem etkhem b’tokh sh’ar aveilei tzion virushalayim: “May the Almighty comfort you with all the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”